The Worst Song Ever Recorded

Thank you to yourscenesucks.com for exposing me to what is without a doubt, the worst song ever recorded.

I didn't even know that Crunkcore existed, but now that I do, there is an entirely new subspecies of humans that I want to die in a bus crash on a bridge on top of a volcano.

I give you: Brokencyde

The Washington Post loves weed

I've been reading the Washington Post for the majority of my adult life and one thing I can say about what I've read in the last ten days is this: The Post is secretly endorsing the legalization of marijuana, completely, without the term "medical" associated with it. Essentially, they're for getting rid of Pot Prohibition on a whole.

Don't believe me? Well, let's look at a few examples of the articles they published in the last fortnight. Let's start with the article that claims that the majority of older adults between 40-68 actually either smoke pot or don't find it dangerous. They are referred to as a "silent majority" (sound familiar?). Then there's the article on the front page of the Style section today called "School of Pot" that showcases a Medical Marijuana College in Michigan that actually teaches students how to properly grow and cook "killer dope" (their words, not mine). In that article they go on to explain how for $475 and six weeks of a persons time, they too can become a "caregiver" aka weed grower in Michigan, in accordance with state laws.

These are just two examples of the many articles published these last ten days or so. In my opinion, it sounds like the Post has chosen a side and hasn't declared it yet. Cryptic, yes, but at least they've got the balls to publish the articles.

What do you think this means? Could it be that one of the nations most recognizable publications went hippie? Are they taking money from The Marijuana Growers Associations of America? NORML? Cheech and Chong? Herald and Kumar? Who knows? What I think it means is the Washington Post and its writers and staffers know what it could mean if this stuff actually did get Green Lit to go legal. Pun intended. Oakland and their Measure F is showing the rest of the country that a hefty profit in new taxes is indeed a reality with their new 400k plus dollars weed tax revenue stream that was created less than a year ago. If the rest of the 13 states currently immune to Federal law got on board and taxed their pot sales too, we'd be talking about billions of dollars. If the entire country somehow wised up and made the God Plant legal, there would be no more recession. I'm not being dramatic. Do the numbers.

The Problem with MMA Judges

Without stealing too much thunder from the original article, I would like to add to it that I feel like the current problems that we have had with MMA judging is a very subjective issue. In the 3 fights that are most disputed in recent history, I feel that I am usually on the side of controversy. Shogun vs. Machida, I personally thought Machida out scored Shogun and won the fight fairly. Turn off the sound so Mike Goldberg and Joe Rogans one-sided commentary doesn't poison your mind and I feel that you will come to the same conclusion. Vera vs. Couture, I'm really not sure where the controversy is at all. Randy controlled the tempo of the fight, he stagnated Vera for three rounds, and thats all that matters. Yes, Vera hurt Randy a few times but that does not mean he out-scored him. As for Griffin vs. Ortiz, I do feel that Tito won that fight. In my opinion, UFC will always do something to ensure that Forrest Griffin is always available for a fight, however dumb the match-up may be.

So, here's the article from Sherdog.com:
CLICK

What Life has offered me

Well blog, its high time we get things up to speed. In the last month and a half since my last post, I have failed to explain where I've been. In the winter months of last year, I moved from Atlanta to Northern Virginia. I work at a hotel. Front Desk. It's great people watching.

In addition to that, I formed a DJ crew called the Vinyl Villenz. We're four dj's/tablists that are all dedicated to the progression of scratch music and showing people what a real DJ should be like. In the almost 10 months I've been in VA we've done approximately 15 shows. Not a bad ratio. To my surprise, the DC metro area has been way more receptive to tablism than I thought it'd be. More than Atlanta in my humble opinion.

Other than those two things, work and my passions, I've done sweet sweet fuck all. That means nothing. Yay.

its been a long time

to be completely honest, i think i forgot i had a blog for a few months. i was all about this thing when i was working a few days out of the month as a transporter, but after i moved up to DC and started a full time job and formed a scratch crew (i'll explain later), this blog wasn't even in my mind. maybe a few times, i'd have something happen at work and i thought, "i should write about this", but nothing more than that. but, here i am again, ready to commit a bit more to the blog and maintaining it on a daily basis. at least a weekly basis. maybe. who knows.

Measure F: The First Real Step In Marijuana Legalization

Yesterday, the first real step to marijuana legalization happened in the City of Oakland. The people, via mail-in ballots, have overwhelmingly voted for what is known as Measure F. Measure F, a proposition to institute a 1.8 percent taxation per gram of marijuana sold at all dispensaries in the City, is a huge precedent-setting event in the battle for the legalization of marijuana in the state of California and ultimately, the nation. The tax itself boils down to a 10 cent tax on every gram a person buys, with an upper limit of 3.5 grams at a time, according to the current dispensary standards.

In the City of Oakland and the outlying counties of Almeda and Contra Costa there are over 30 dispensaries, all with their own long lists of clientele. The City of Oakland alone is projecting a first year revenue of anywhere between $275,000 to $325,000. This revenue could act as a real eye-opener for the neighboring cities like San Fransisco and Los Angeles, which have more than 600 dispensaries. That's more marijuana dispensaries than Starbucks. Let's break that math down folks: Oakland will generate lets say $300,000 by the end of the first year. Expand that to the entire state and by the end of the year, after one of the largest entrepanurial explosions of the modern era, the state of California will have generated a revenue stream of upwards of 20 billion dollars.

Extrapelate this concept to other states like Vermont, Michigan, Oregon, Washington, who are all sitting on their own supply of cash crop, well then folks, our economy just got saved by a plant this country has spent billions of dollars prohibiting. State after state generating billions of dollars year after year. We could very well see this country becoming a dominant force in the international economy once again not based on our cars, but our pot. We'd be like France and Italy for their wines and cheeses, except we smoke ours. This is a future that I can get down with and with any luck, Measure F was the first step in achieving this goal.

HEY ATLANTA! LOOK!! Speakeasy Six : EDAN

Well folks, it's been a year since the Speakeasy parties/shows began in Atlanta and after a year, the roster of artists that have graced the Speakeasy stage is growing ever more impressive. From the house party days at Ty-Vicious' crib to moving on up to the first venue event at the East Atlanta Ice House, this collective of individuals and groups alike have been reforming a solid foundation for a prosperous underground scene in Atlanta. A more open environment for artists to come together as a community, build together and share in the wealth. Through their efforts, they have been able to put together shows featuring the likes of Atlanta's own Tom P, Clan Destined, The Nice Guise, Newberry Jam, Noot D'Noot, and Lee Harvey Oswald. Not to mention the fact these cats brought out Count Bass D, C Rayz Walz, J-Live, and Camp Lo, just to name a few of hip hop's premiere artists.

This next month on August 1st, the Speakeasy Crew plans to bring Atlanta another amazing show featuring Newberry Jam, Noot D' Noot, Lee Harvey Oswald, The Nice Guise and headliner EDAN with special guest Dagha. This my friends, is THE show to see in Atlanta this summer, I promise you that. Live bands accompanied by emcees, a jam band that will blow your fucking mind seven times over, scratch dj's burnin it down, EDAN (need I say more?), and Zone 3 will be providing visuals to go along with this sonic boom of a show so be sure to eat your shrooms and smoke your smoke before you get to the show. Shit, fuck that, AT THE DAMN SHOW.

If you've never heard of these cats before, you need to get up on a few things right quick.

First off, check out the Speakeasy Sixtape, commemerating the sixth show, obviously.

http://rapidshare.com/files/252785909/Speakeasy_Sixtape.zip

Second, check out the podcast these cats put out. Show updates, new tracks from local artists and overall amazing funktitude will be broadcast to your Ipod's and Zune's and wtf else you got.

http://speakeasypromo.podomatic.com/

All Pigs Wallow In Shit

If any of this comes as a surprise to you or if this seems like something that only happens in the movies, then you live a very very sheltered existence.

D.C. Area Officers Subject of FBI Probe

Did Police Take Money to Protect Gambling Ring?

By Aaron C. Davis

Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday, July 19, 2009

Federal authorities are investigating whether a group of Washington area police officers took money to protect a high-stakes gambling ring frequented by some of the region's most powerful drug dealers over the past two years, according to internal police documents and law enforcement sources.

The officers include five veterans in Prince George's County, a District police official and a former D.C. Housing Authority officer. Two under investigation have been spotted on police surveillance outside gambling sites, including one providing security in tactical gear. Witnesses have alleged that others wore police uniforms and drove marked cruisers to gatherings. One was arrested in a police raid outside a game with a handgun.

Phone records, surveillance and other evidence tie most of the officers directly to the game's operators, which include known drug dealers, documents show. Authorities have not moved against most of the officers or known operators of the game, in part because they continue to investigate whether any of the officers are linked to several slayings connected to the ring, according to documents and sources. It is unclear how much money the officers might have taken to provide the protection and whether the investigation will lead to charges.

Like other major police departments, Prince George's routinely investigates its officers, sometimes in coordination with federal authorities. But the breadth and depth of this investigation are rare. It involves more officers than any in recent years and a potentially flagrant abuse of police power. The corruption probe has also gone on longer than any that has come to light since a sting operation nearly two decades ago related to the case of notorious drug dealer Rayful Edmond III culminated in the indictment of 12 District police officers.

Prince George's Police Chief Roberto L. Hylton acknowledged the investigation for the first time but declined to elaborate on it, other than to say he was "disheartened" by the alleged wrongdoing by county officers.

Hylton decided to turn over the probe, which had been a joint operation with the FBI, entirely to federal authorities when he took over the department early this year because he wanted to remove any doubt that the investigation would be thorough and impartial, he said. In accordance with FBI policy, Richard J. Wolf, the bureau's Baltimore field office spokesman, declined to confirm or deny the existence of an investigation.

"When you have such an intense investigation, and to show objectivity and to remove any air of impropriety, I thought it was best suited to have an agency outside the police department manage and handle this investigation," Hylton said, adding that he has chosen not to receive updates about it. "I've said before, we don't have a perfect organization . . . we have troubles and trials like everyone else. But one thing I can promise you is that I believe in accountability. I will not allow a dirty police officer to harm or affect the good work that the majority of these police officers are doing every single day."

The sources said that investigators think the gambling ring's operators, at least one of whom is a longtime friend of a Prince George's officer under investigation, sought police assistance for security. The gatherings, held late at night and rotated among warehouses and other industrial locations, centered around craps games in which $100,000 or more could be seen in play at a time. Among the bettors were drug dealers and their entourages, sometimes from as far away as Baltimore, sources said.

"It's right out of the movies," one source said of the scope of the officers' possible criminal misconduct. "As big as it gets," another said.

A Robust Inquiry

Six law enforcement sources, some directly involved in the investigation and the rest briefed on portions of it, discussed details of the case on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the probe. Internal police documents reviewed by The Washington Post corroborate their accounts and reveal a robust investigation anchored in the gambling ring that has extended far beyond it.

A task force formed by the FBI and Prince George's internal affairs officers investigated whether at least two of the officers actively participated in the drug trade, smuggling and storing large amounts of cocaine, and whether another tipped off drug dealers about a police narcotics operation. Investigators also continue to chase leads that several of the officers trafficked in stolen property, including high-performance motorcycles.

The sources would not say what, if any, firm evidence investigators have tying officers to wrongdoing beyond their connections to the gambling ring. But documents show that investigators have been building a case against the group since 2007. The Housing Authority officer was arrested carrying a gun outside one of the ring's secret Southern Maryland gambling sites in a police raid in May of that year. The investigation expanded significantly in January 2008, when a confidential police informant was killed after a gambling game in Capitol Heights.

a crazy transistion period

Well folks, I no longer live in Atlanta. I'm yet again a suburban resident of the DC metropolitan area. It took me about 2 weeks to land a real job with decent enough pay to get me by. I now work front desk at an extended stay hotel, which essentially means I sit on my lap top all day long for 15 dollars an hour. Nice.

Also, I've managed to reconnect musically with my old partner A L C. I call him Andy. We're roommates now in the basement of my mother's large single family home. My room is a big as the living room in my old apartment and the basement itself is larger than the entire apartment put together. It's not bad. Plus my room is a studio that was pre-made before we moved in by the former resident. Needless to say, we got back into making music and landed a show by the end of June called The Circus.

Because of the good showing, we landed 2 more spots at the Circus which is a bi-weekly event on Saturday Nights at Expo in Washington on 9th Street. It's a great venue and an amazing show. I love doing it. We've landed a few other shows, one being a graffiti expo which I'm really looking forward to. I'll be using this blog to update a lot of hip hop goings on in the DC area from now on as well as my daily rants. Now that I'm well adjusted and back in business up here in Politico Land, I'm back on the blog. So, CHEERS!

Laughter

I will say until my death that laughter is the single most important thing we as humans do, from a functional stand point, every single day. Sex is a close second but the chance of excessive procreation is something I don't have to worry about with a good cackle. There are so many situations and scenarios where truly, laughter is the best remedy. Sickness, tension, stress, social awkwardness, fear, sadness, and even deep depression. If humor isn't your thing, I highly suggest you re-evaluate your priorities. Here are a myriad of reasons why you, the up-tight bastard, are wrong.

In 2006 a group of Japanese Scientists were able to prove that humans begin to laugh as soon as 17 days after birth. After crying, laughing comes second in everyone and that fact makes sense. The image of the laughing and crying opera masks immediately come to my mind when I hear that fact. The two extremes must coincide each other in a timely fashion and our brains develop in a way that ensures this to continue, life to life, at a very basic level. We as human beings need laughter as much as we do our emotions because the function of laughter acts as a tool for so many things. Social interaction is one of them and maybe the most important for our early years. It's a way to gain trust and therefore a sign of acceptance. Being able to identify with others through laughter is a trait that is established very early on in life and only grows over time. This is best displayed in comedians who can control an entire room of people based on their ability to make them laugh.

Not only does laughter help in a social way, it has been proven that laughter is beneficial to your health. A study at The University of Maryland was able to prove that when people were shown comedy films that their arteries dilated wider and their blood pressure decreased. On top of that, when someone laughs, depending on their weight, one could burn anywhere from 10 to 40 calories. I am 200 lbs, so according to a chart I'm referencing, one sit up burns 13 calories. I could top that with a good gut laugh any day. Don't get me wrong, I do my sit ups, but it's a nice addition to the arsenal. Plus I'm lazy, so this is much better for me when you consider that 100 laughing spats every day equals a 10 minute workout. It even helps fight disease by increasing the bodies production of T-Cells which improve your immune system.

After that the last factor that I consider when giving laughter its real value is this: it allows us to enjoy life. Even things that we should not laugh at, we can still laugh about. It just down right helps us deal with things. Laughter is almost an alarm for absurdity. A device that detects universal things we all find amusing. It also allows us to help cope with more macabre subjects as well. I have seen so many instances of large groups of everyday people laughing hysterically at things like racism, death, violence, murder, rape, child molestation and the list goes on. The best comedians can make us laugh at the most horrifying things when presented correctly. We as people are able to make that distinction. It's a very rare thing in any creature to be able to laugh and I suggest that we should all harness its power more.

A Story From My Younger Days

I want to share with you now a story from my younger days. This is a tale of friendship. When I was in my junior year of high school I had this friend. I'll call him Money. Money was a friend of mine and a few other close friends that I had at that time. Everyday after school, we'd all get together and hang out, smoke cigarettes, and almost every time smoke a bit of weed. Just to get out minds off of the day, nothing too serious. Now, all of us, we'd known Money for a while and I was at that point in our friendship where I started noticing tendencies and idiosyncratic things about the guy that I just never noticed before. Without much time going by I noticed that Money never had any money or weed to throw in on things. Eventually it started to get where Money would come around with something to sell and it was light. Not cool. Not after all the smokes, the smoke outs, nah man. Not cool.
So the guys and I got together the week of final exams and decided we'd had enough. We needed to at least get some payback. Nothing violent. Nothing malicious. What we did was, we counted on Money coming around with no weed, but he had some light bags to throw around. So we pooled some loot together, copped a sack and rolled up a blunt. What Money didn't know was we'd pre-rolled him his own personal blunt. What Money also didn't know what that his personal blunt was re-rolled Phillies Blunt quality tobacco.

Now hear me out, I honestly thought Money would just take a fuckin hit off the thing and say "Yo man, this is some bullshit", get mad, and peace out. But guess what that fucking leechy bastard did. Can you take a guess?! He smoked the whole damn thing to his FACE! The whole god damn thing. Mind you now, while this was happening, me and the guys, we're looking at each other like we knew we could stop it. But we were so appalled that the guy seemed to almost have this, "smoke mode". Like if he were a robot, that was one of his functions and he just did not stop untill that blunt was done. Like it's the first rule in his programming. So flash to Money finishing up on this beezy and now he's putting it out. For a minute, I thought my prank had failed. But then Money went to stand up. Then Money fell down. Then money said he didn't feel too good. Then Money puked. Laughter throughout the entire charade. Money got an explanation and Money got fucking MAAAAD. Once he could stop stammering and falling around and color returned to his face, we kept laughing. Then Money left.

Money and I are still Friends and to this day, I remind Money of this story and I hope he knows who he is. Because I wouldn't write this if I didn't love the motherfucker like a loyal hound dog and he should know he shouldn't be a little baby and take offense. It's damn funny, I don't give a damn who you are. These are the things that come to mind when I'm zoning out watching Play-Off basketball.

Inside Jokes Are NOT For Social Settings, You Fucking Jack Ass

For those of you who can't handle being around people you don't know, here's a bit of advice: Don't use inside jokes. I tend to listen to conversations when going to bars, parties, shows, etc. It's just a habit I have. Time and time again I've had to bear witness to the collapse of a nice, happy moment because some jack ass couldn't think of anything useful or meaningful to add to the conversation, so what does he do? He falls back on some joke that he and maybe one other person in the group has any knowledge of. The notoriously bad use of the inside joke just killed your conversation. Because now, some one else goes "what?" and you, being a complete fucking jack ass has to explain the joke. Then it doesn't get any laughs and you have to say the ever-dreaded "I guess you had to be there". Really? Well guess what? THAT'S NOT FUNNY! If you can't relate to the joke after the fact, it's not funny. You've ruined it. That moment we were all just sharing? Yeah, that's fucking GONE, buddy! Now you and the other person who knew the joke have to look at each other, embarrassed, head down, completely silent. Next time do us all a favor and just talk about how your cat's breath smells like cat breath. At least the rest of us will get a laugh. Fucking Jack Ass.

WHAT IS HER NAME??!!?!?

I don't know who this is, but please if you know, tell me this woman's name. I need more of her. GAAAAAWWWWDDD DAAAYYYYUUUMMM!!!!

NEED A JOB!? TRY BEING A PIRATE!!

The economy got you strapped for cash? Did you lose your job? Are you struggling to pay your rent month to month? Are you staring at an empty fridge? Well look no further, friend, because today is your lucky day! In recent weeks the Sea Born Pirating Industry has suffered several employee deaths, creating a great opportunity for you to bounce back into stride! Last year there were over 293 reported sea born pirating incidents and with your help, we can try for a real increase in numbers! It's something to be proud of. Something you can look back on and say "Yes, I did my best. This year, more than 889 people were taken hostage. I know in my heart that I had at least a seven percent contribution, sometimes even using a gun!"

In addition to your efforts, travel will come as a nice incentive. See exotic places like The Horn of Africa, mostly the waters around the Sudan and Kenya. After you shake that case of Mega-AIDS, head out to the waters of Nigeria. A wonder-place to plunder an oil tanker or a Cruise Ship. Only one in seven people have Ultra-Ebola in the wonderful 42 man crew of other pirates that will be on your ship, so chances of disease are minimal to likely. Highlighting the entire voyage is the clear blue seas of Indonesia. Once you hit the main land, bet your plunders on anything your mind can fathom! Gambling is the national sport of most Pacific Island nations. Local favorites include: man vs. a chainsaw-wielding bear and midgets vs. a lion. What an adventure!

So check it out, head on down to your Pirate Union local 101 or 27, fill out a Union Pledge Form, speak to the recruiter and sign up today. He'll be the guy holding a knife to a child's throat, dealing with the demands of his / her family via Skype. The Union is co-opting two positions into one. So you may have competition. Either way, the seasonal wages are more than you could ever imagine. Just be sure to have all of your verbal hostage commands ready to present during the oral examination. Languages required are English, Swahili, Mandarin, Tagalog (Filipino), Spanish, Vietnamese, and all of the languages spoken in the Western Rim.

Don't be a Jack Ass. Save some money.

Never underestimate a good, local second hand store. For years I used to look down on these stores. Something about not being able to afford the good stuff or some other jack ass reason equally devoid of any fiscal sense. As of the last few years though, out of college, broke as sweet fuck all, I’ve learned to appreciate things like dollar menus, thrift stores, and especially for a person like me, second hand media outlets. CD Warehouse is my venue of choice. They usually have what I’m looking for and impressively, all of the locations near me are known for having some really choice Criterion Collection gems. Example: Man Bites Dog 2 disc Criterion Collection. An absolute masterpiece about the exploitative journey into the mind of a deranged serial killer transfused with a stark musing of the over-saturation of modern media. I found it for under ten dollars. Try to buy that from a Tower Records or an FYE and you’re guaranteed to pay a minimum of twenty two dollars, if you're lucky. It’s a value that most people don’t every pay any attention to. Today I got Citizen Kane (2-Disc), Boxcar Bertha, The Assassination Of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford and Amadeus (2-Disc). All for twenty one dollars, total. Not to mention most of these places are more than happy to give you some loot for the dvd's and cd's you don't want anymore. I mean, if you’re trying to make a quick buck, head on down and clear out all of your bad movies. You know you have a few. That copy of Kingpin you have sitting in the back of your book case. Those three copies of Ocean’s Eleven. That Lil' Kim Discography you have stacked with the Jr. Mafia and lil' Cease solo shit. Yeah. Throw those in a bag and get twenty bucks. Fuck your pride. Seriously, don’t be such a pack rat.

From Zone2HomeBrew : Illustrated Zombie Bible Classic #2 - David vs. Goliath

Young David bests the mighty Zombie Goliath with nothing but a rock and sling as the undead hordes look on.

Check out the hi resolution shot of the picture here.

From Zone2HomeBrew : ZOMBIE BIBLE CLASSIC #1

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give to you the first installment of the Zombie Bible Classics #1 by my good friend and fellow blogger, Timmy Reis. In our first installment, we have Moses laying the smack down on some bitch-ass zombie fucks who're tryin to fuck with the parting of the Red Sea. As you can see, these punk bitches stand no chance against his staff or his muthafuckin heater. BLOW!

In this first installment of the Illustrated Zombie Bible Classics series, Moses handles two zombies with his staff and his .45 while parting the waters of the Red Sea.

GET PWND YOU STANK MOUTH BRIT BASTARD!!

Was there any wonder? Was there a single doubt in your mind? 2 knockdowns in the 1st round. KO in the second. If you didn't know, now you know. Truth.

A Special Anniversary : The Best Internet Hoax Ever

Today May 2 2009 marks the 4-year anniversary of my personal favorite internet hoax: THE LION vs MIDGETS MASSACRE! Yes yes, if you didn't know, this story is a hoax. A lion did not really take out 42 little people in one sitting as a crowd of crazed Cambodians corralled around a ring throwing money at bookies with cigarettes hanging from their mouths, apathetic to these poor little people's situation. One could get fooled, as I did when I first read this because it was posted to a fake link from The BBC using their templates. It looked fairly real without any inspection. But bbc.co.fake isn't a real net extension. Read it if you haven't already. It's fucking gruesome fun.


Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring-Fight

An African Lion much like this is responsible for the death of 28 Cambodian Midgets

Spectators cheered as entire Cambodian Midget Fighting League squared off against African Lion

Tickets had been sold-out three weeks before the much anticipated fight, which took place in the city of Kâmpóng Chhnãng.

The fight was slated when an angry fan contested Yang Sihamoni, President of the CMFL, claiming that one lion could defeat his entire league of 42 fighters.

Sihamoni takes great pride in the league he helped create, as was conveyed in his recent advertising campaign for the CMFL that stated his midgets will "... take on anything; man, beast, or machine."

This campaign is believed to be what sparked the undisclosed fan to challenge the entire league to fight a lion; a challenge that Sihamoni readily accepted.

An African Lion (Panthera Leo) was shipped to centrally located Kâmpóng Chhnãng especially for the event, which took place last Saturday, April 30, 2005 in the city’s coliseum.

The Cambodian Government allowed the fight to take place, under the condition that they receive a 50% commission on each ticket sold, and that no cameras would be allowed in the arena.

The fight was called in only 12 minutes, after which 28 fighters were declared dead, while the other 14 suffered severe injuries including broken bones and lost limbs, rendering them unable to fight back.

Sihamoni was quoted before the fight stating that he felt since his fighters out-numbered the lion 42 to 1, that they “… could out-wit and out-muscle [it].”

Unfortunately, he was wrong.

Pacquiao vs. Hatton Tomorrow Night

I'm not even going to do a write up. I'm too biased on this issue. Pac Man all the way. I hope Manny runs circles around that slack-jawed Brit until he sees stars. Until he speaks without that horrible accent. I hope that dude gets hit so hard the stink flies out of his nasty, under-treated, neglected, rotting mouth and then circles around his head in a counter clock-wise motion back into his face, like a shot of mace, further disabling him to defend himself. I hope that speedo wearing rape child gets mashed up so bad even English people are like "DAMN HE'S UGLY! AND I'M ENGLISH!" and he is forced into exile, only allowed to live and dwell in the Faulkland Islands, surviving only on the resources he's allowed to find on the Islands themselves, sealed off from the rest of his countrymen and family. I hope that mutated sperm cultivated from warm light and oxygen off of a toilet seat in Manchester gets hit so hard his diet of beans and eggs boiled in a sheeps guts is knocked involuntarily out of his anus and is projected on all of his corner men and they're all like, "OY! WHAS ALL 'IS 'EN??!" in that awful Manchester cadence. That'd actually probably just be like them taking a shower. Oh yeah, I also hope that when Pacquiao hits that manchild so hard that the force of the blow itself actually corrects the way that Gollom-like, WASP face of his looks. That'd be nice, too. I think I'm done.

Silva vs. Griffin UFC 101 OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

FIGHT FANS THIS IS IT!! The biggest summer event in mixed martial arts has been announced this week: Anderson Silva will face off against Forrest Griffin at 205 lbs. It's set to go down in Philly at UFC 101. Fans, you're in for a real blockbuster. Believe the hype. The idea that Griffin would delay the fight or avoid contact the way Patrick Cote and Thiago Alves did is nonsense. What we have here is the hardest working man in the sport going up against the greatest champion to ever set foot in the Octagon. It's a dream come true. Both fighters stand to be moved up the ladder for belt contention if they win. Not only that, but the fight is a win-win situation for either man, win or lose. Consider the facts: Anderson Silva is the Middleweight Champion with or without a W here; and to think his standings in the light-heavy division would move drastically is out of the question as well. On the other side of this, Forrest Griffin has truly lucked out. If he wins, he's just beaten Anderson Silva and will now stand atop a very thick division. If he loses, he lost to Anderson God Damn Silva. Can't exactly discredit the man for losing, can you? No, you can't. So there, it's a win-win situation. Say otherwise and I think you're just crying "wolf".


As for the result of this fight, the breakdown is fairly simple. If Forrest thinks he can brawl with Silva, he's gonna be counting the lights in no time. Silva is the best striker in the organization and he will not allow Forrest to fight recklessly without making him suffer. As for ground work, Griffin has the upper hand with take down ability, but I'm still not sure if he will be able to get Silva down and produce anything of merit unless he can weaken him early on. Essentially, Griffin must be conservative, but not lacking in point scoring or aggression. Silva's biggest weakness has yet to be exposed, I feel, so it is imperative that Griffin pick him apart the best he can. Control the clinches, keep the man down, and batter him until you can dictate the pace. That's Griffin's best bet.

On the other side, Silva's best plan would be to let Griffin get sloppy. Forget what the critic's might say after the fight, disregard the boo's that might pour from the crowd. It's his ass out there. Forrest Griffin is best known for letting his aggression get the best of him. Let him do it again. Bait him into throwing looping shots. Make him try for take downs that he won't get. Tire him out and work him with the pin point strikes we all know and love. On the ground, Silva has an advantage in submissions, but not in ground control. Griffin is a big boy and will throw his weight around if he gets top position. So Silva must maintain a distance using his butterfly guard and his length. It's the best way to go. Or he could just Bruce Lee the dude.

In the end, I see Anderson Silva winning a huge fight in the second round by KO. If Griffin wins, he'll do it in a decision. Either way, this is a great match up and it deserves all the media attention it can get. Truth.

Best DVD Coming Out This Week - JCVD

On April 28th, 2009 a DVD hits the market that has some pretty interesting value. It's Jean Claude Van Damme's best film to date : JCVD. A semi-self portrait of a star past his prime put into a situation one of his characters from the 80's might have handled with ease. Van Damme plays himself, a 49 year old man way past his prime, making straight to DVD releases that only see the light of the international markets. Stuck in a film the director over-extends, divided by a language barrier and apathetic to the films result, he leaves the set only to get caught in a real-life bank robbery. Cast into a situation fit for a film, the others in the bank, as well as the robbers expect him to be like his film persona and save the day, only to get a hard dose of reality. He's an old man who throws fake kicks for a living. He's no hero. The film is packed with great shots, specifically the opening credit sequence and a soon to be cult classic spotlight soliliquy from Mr. Van Damme where he expresses all of his self-loathing and doubts. A true rarity for an actor who's entire career is based on looking cool thats well worth the viewing. Check it out.

A Week After the Fact or Why Anderson Silva's critics are absolutely without merit and need to eat glass

One week ago today, the UFC held their 97th event. The main event was marking the seventh title defense of the best pound for pound fighter in the world, Anderson Silva. If he were to win the fight, it would be his ninth straight victory, surpassing the mark of eight wins held by only Joyce Gracie and Jon Fitch. For those who did not see the fight, I am about to spoil the results. He won. With nine straight wins, Anderson Silva has officially become the single most dominant fighter to ever step in the Octagon. Consider all of the great fighters to ever step in the Octagon: Couture, Liddell, Henderson, the Gracies, the Shamrocks, Hughes. Anderson is at the top of the sport itself.

But after a week of media coverage, critiques, blogging, discussion forums and whatever other anonymous form of talk possible, there seems to be only one thing I'm hearing out of anyone's mouths : it was boring. Narry a positive word came from a single mouth I was in the proximity of or able to see manifest via type on the internet. His broken record was an afterthought. His unprecedented domination has become so great, so overbearing, so insurmountable, we as a people have actually become jaded to his Reign. It's a simple matter of fact: He's too god damned good. He's so good, the public can not accept anything other than pure brilliance. Add in the not so great, anti-climactic ending to his last bout against Patrick Cote that left his fans salivating with nothing to hold them over and the disdain just multiplies.

I actually read articles on Sherdog.com calling his last two performances "STINKING". Folks, in Anderson Silva's first fight, he landed 100% of his strikes. In his first fight against Rich Franklin, he landed more than 27 consecutive knee strikes. No one has come close to matching his skills in the ring. Against Patrick Cote, Silva did not stink. Silva dominated until Cote's knee blew out. Cote was completely shut down. He had no answer. The same can be said for Laites. The true beauty of being champion is you have to be defeated. You can literally elect to make the choice of allowing the challenger his attempt to beat you. Think of that as a fighter. You are not the one who has to prove anything to yourself. You've been at the top of your game and the sport itself for years. You know what you can do. Can the other guy finally take you down? The only person I heard speak that concept was Joe Rogan. He's time and again the only person involved with the sport that I almost always agree with.

This raises a question: What will the UFC do? Will they back their man? Or will they appease the crowd, the new fans, the new media? Will they cowtown? I hope they don't. For once, I hope that the UFC absolutely and without question defends their Champion. He might not be the best way to market the organization. He might not speak English. But he is the greatest fighter to ever step into your ring. Treat him as such. Do not deny the right to retain the title by any means necessary and within the rules of the sport. The crowds can boo all they want. That's how Bernard Hopkins became the best for so long. This is not to say that Silva is even close to being on the path of a man like Hopkins or Lennox Lewis, who would rather keep his opponents at bay and ride out win after boring win. Not even close. I remember when he was being accused of trying to hurt his opponents intentionally; genuine fear from his peers was rampant.

Now that we're all used to it, we immediately cry foul when his fight ends any other way than KO. Wake up folks, the fight game can be just as unpredictable as anything else. People get injured during fights. Fights end in strange ways. His critics truly do amaze me. It seems as though these idiots have set their standards so high that nothing will be good enough. This last fight marks the first time in his UFC career that ended in a decision. Before that, all fans knew was his list of KO's, TKO's, or submissions. Nothing less than perfection. Now that we can see that Anderson can be pushed to a decision fight, people begin to chip away at his greatness. Finding flaw after non-existent flaw to talk about, more to establish their own voices in the sport and less to say anything of any relevance.

I guess what I mean to say here folks, is to take the talk and set it all aside and look at the facts. Nine straight wins. Seven straight title defenses. He made the transition to 205 lbs and made short work of his prey. He dropped back down and had two fights that end in his first opponent blowing out his knee and the second winning by decision. On paper that does not even register on my radar as to be deserving of criticism. Neither does it register in person. He can't be blamed for anything, as nothing was done except what was supposed to happen. He defended his title and was able to retain it, as the challenger was completely unable to come close to dethroning him. Facts are facts and truth is truth. This is fact. This is truth.

Bill Burr's Summer Atlanta Show Cancelled

After a few weeks of radio silence for Bill Burr's Monday Morning Podcast due to contractual issues with the podcast hosting company, fans finally got their fix as of 10 days ago. Wasting no time, Bill proceeded to announce that he has canceled three shows for the summer months, including his Atlanta show. His tone indicated he may be filming a project during those weeks where the shows were once slated to go down and this is better news, in my humble opinion, than his coming to Atlanta. While I am a dedicated fan of his, I feel better knowing that the man has a chance of getting his due the same way Patton Oswalt has, David Cross, Brian Posehn...just to name a few. And while he's not considered an alternative comedian like the aforementioned three, he's one of the best comedians to fly under televisions and hollywoods radar. His self proclamed "Howdy Dudey" face makes him a perfect fit for comedy...........I meant that in the nicest way possible. No insult there. For more info, you folks will have to wait untill at least June to hear when he plans on making up for the canceled shows. Untill then, just listen to the Monday Morning Podcast, which is now up and running again.

epic failure

So it seems I can't even maintain something as simple as a daily web log. I think it has something to do with my doubts on my right to be one of these...internet critics, sitting behind a monitor or laptop. On top of that, I've been busting my ass to try and live bill to bill as I attempt rebuild my financial situation to a calm even flow. Add in my general laze about everything, plus my unhealthy fixation on watching movies and we have the perfect formula for failure. I guess the point of this post is to say....here's my second attempt at this.

I can't sleep for shit anymore.

So, it's 6:10 am. I can't sleep. I never sleep anymore. I worked as a transporter for a year. After a year of non-stop driving, you start to miss sleep. Then it doesn't matter at all. To make matters worse, I have access to the internet 24 hours a day. It facilitates my strange sleep habits quite nicely. YouTube alone can help kill a solid two hours if I really fall into the trap of endless clips of breakdancers knocking out kids and retarded kids rap battling. You know what I mean. You've found yourself watching clip after clip of stupid shit. The crazy asian lady who missed her flight. The kung fu hillbilly. Ronald Jenkees. Ghetto Fights. Ah lord, the ghetto fights are classic.

But recently I was put on something that is equally, if not better than YouTube. Bold statement, I know. It's called Stumble Upon. What Stumle Upon is, is a tool bar that you intall on your web browswer. I recommend Mozzila Firefox. So, install the tool bar, then take the personalization survey. It's really more clicking boxes of categories. Then more specific categories based on your previous answers untill the system is able to fine tune your like's an dislike's. Once that's done, the tool bar has a button you click that in turn brings up a web page the system thinks you may enjoy. Click "thumbs up" for good and "down" for bad. After about ten pages and this thing is really and truly sending you to sites you actually find interesting. After just a few days of this application on my browser and I'm finding videos that I had no idea I'd like and I do. Information about subjects I actually find interesting. Instructional tips for knowledge I want to absorb. Whatever I can think of, Stumble Upon hooks me up, man. It's my bro. Need an example? OK! I was moving recently and I wasn't sure if I needed to be careful about tilting my TV. It's a flat screen but I didn't know the Do's and Don'ts about it. In my survey, I told the program about how I owned said TV; in the random pages I stumbled upon, one told me it was OK to tilt LCD TV's. It's plasma's your not supposed to move more than 15 degrees. Word to ya mother, B. Also, did you know that being 24 and having a December birthday means you're more than 700 million seconds old? Nutso.

Well, if you want to waste your time on the net more effectivley, I suggest you check out this application. It's fucking righteous, brah....Jesus H. Christ I need to sleep.


www.stumbleupon.com

YOU'RE WELCOME

I have nothing new to report, other than I found this picture on Chuck Palahniuk's website. You are god damn welcome.

I really enjoy bad marketing.

If you need sources, just check wikipedia. Or look for answers from the Catholic Church. What I'm saying is true. Valentine's Day is a fiction. Yes, yes, it's the holiday hater extraordinaire here to take a big sh*t all over this toothache of a 24 hour cycle. I love American product creationism and nothing rubs it in like Valentine's day, formerly known as St. Valentine's Day, formerly known as the Feast of St. Valentine, formerly known as ......what's today? Oh, the 14. Word. For a while, there was a feast Catholics had for Saints that were named Valentine. Many were patron Saints of certain events, etc., but none of them were love or lasting relationships. As a matter of fact, St. Valentine doesn't even have a last name. The Church doesn't know it. All they know is some dude named Valentine is buried somewhere in Italy called Via Flaminia. FLASH FORWARD! Present day. Now on this day, named after some dude in a pit in Italy with no last name, no one knows a damn thing about, couples and love birds alike get fancy presents and candy for one another to celebrate Love.

Don't get me wrong, I have things about this holiday that I love. The fact that there's a day that encourages gettin elbow deep in our loved one's is great. Not to mention the plethora of product advertisement that preys on people. Namely, the Vermont Teddy Bears. OH I just love those commercials. The office of wailing, huge breasted, pretty women, obviously talking about hard cocks, through a teddy bear. The leering eyes of the different fabricated male personalities. There's the nerdy, uptight, glasses wearing guy! Don't forget about the more tame father of four with the highschool sweetheart framed in picture form on his desk. Don't look now! We even have the macho guy with the white t-shirt with rolled up sleeves! Is that a heart shaped tattoo on his arm that says "Love"? IT IS?! Well guess what James Dean?? You can get a matching bear for YOURSELF when you get one for your little sugar tits! Take her down to make out point! This is AWESOME! For real, what would that guy do in the office? He has his own cubicle? He looks like he's gonna race his hot rod in a corn field. Maybe get in a Knife fight. He's got a switch blade.

There's a Teddy Bear for every level of non-committal love. There's the Puppy love, the "you're sexy" devil bear, the "Love Bandit"...um...yeah....But seriously, what a TERRIBLE commercial. My favorite memory of this product was when they decided to re-voice it with Adam Carolla as the Spokesman. You remember that? OH SNAP! Too good. I wish I could have been there at that marketing meeting.

"Ok Bill, we need to re-invent this commercial. Give it some more spice. I want women to feel seduced. I want men to want to be that fucking VOICE!"

"um.....how about....wait. How about this....let's re-voice it. And I have just the man for the job: ADAM CAROLLA"

"YES! I LOVE IT! Jesus Bill! You must be the smartest man ALI VE. You can take my place as C.E.O.! I am resigning as of this moment!"

Aaaand....DONE! Yeah, I think I'm through ripping Vermont Teddy Bears now. Maybe not. At least for now.

click the header for the link to the commercial.

Bill Burr : The Comedians Comedian

Bill Burr's Myspace Page
The Monday Morning Podcast
Bill Burr's Official Website

If you don't know anything about Bill Burr, you might at least recognize him from the Chapelle's Show skits "Racial Draft" (the blacks win the lottery, ha, they'll probably still complain) and "Guy's Night Out" (a mouth is a mouth, bro). Burr has been a comedian for over a decade, making his way out of the New England comedy circuits and moving to the road, steadily becoming one of the most hardened comics you'd ever think about heckling. You want poetry? Look up his legendary encounter in Philadelphia that lasted over the entire alotted set time he was given. Opie and Anthony's Travelling Pants Tour. It's beautiful. Some of the biggest dickheads to walk the streets of America face off against one of the coolest Assholes to ever pick up a mic in a yelling match that in the end, Burr wins decisivley.

Right now, Burr can be seen on the road touring, as always. On top of that, he has an impressive amount of podcasts and radio appearances that keep him exposed to the public. For example, anyone that listens to Opie and Anthony will know him well. Last year for OzFest, the crew sent him out to interview bands. He then proceeded to ask them to do PSA spots, on the spot, about completley fictional events. "Don't you be fuckin hittin no special needs kids, you fuckin retards". A quote from the guitarist from In Flames.

He has two podcasts you can subscribe to on ITunes, The Bill Burr Monday Morning podcast, which is basically Burr ranting about grievances and annoyances. Then there's the stand up podcast he has. Gives you a feel for his stuff. Check out his two albums currently in circulation, "Emotionally Unavailable" and "Why Do I Do This?" which has a DVD of the CD material. This week I have videos of him on my video bar, check them out, buy his stuff. At least check him on YouTube.

THINGS THAT WILL BRING ABOUT THE APOCALYPSE #1

It's a reoccurring theme spot that I just invented! Starting with every one's favorite little dish of bacteria scum left to dry in the sun, Soulja Boy. This little shit has turned out to be raps equivalent of Hanson if they had been run through the wardrobe of Michael Jackson and then bedazzled. Or is that a redundancy? ANYWAY, the fact is, there are small children all across this country that are in love with this demon and I am extremely concerned about their well being. If the last few years are the standard, this country is going to give itself downs syndrome listening to nonsensical, effortless bullshit like this. Granted, he's not the only one to blame, but this kid is the youngest of them all, so he's gonna be the longest running threat music faces on a whole. Unless Def Jam or So So Deaf sign a kid straight outta sixth grade. SO, hit up youtube, look up Soulja Boy Bird Walk Official Video and you decide if I'm right or not. K? Watch it now, then continue reading. Watch it. Ok? Did you watch it? Now tell me, is it wrong to think he should be brought to a boil in a vat of canola oil? THAT RHYME WAS BETTER THAN EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THAT VIDEO! Some one PLEASE show some initiative and get that red dot on his dome and SQUEEEEEEZE!

2009 Oscar Predictions

This years batch of Oscar films aren't the brilliant cache of challenging cinema it was just last year. There is no Daniel Plainview-esque performance, there is no unsettling masterpiece like No Country For Old Men, not even a bouncy feel-good dramedy like Juno, at least not up for any of the "big" awards. What this year's slew of nominees are, are a massive collective of subtlety. From Doubt to Benjamin Button to The Wrestler, these films are all about nuance and subtlety. Look at the Male Lead Nom's: Richard Jenkins? Mickey Rourke? These performances are both brilliant and painfully naturalistic all at once. Even Brad Pitt, smothered in CGI and epic story-telling still floats through that film almost whispering the entire time. The only real stand out anythings, be it a film, a director, an actor, are Slumdog Millionaire and Heath Ledgers Psycho/Brilliant/Legendary performance as The Joker. As far as anyone can tell, those two things are also the only guaranteed winners of the night. To be fair, Sean Penn in Milk is probably the most lively performance after Ledgers, but I'm not sure he can beat out Rourke's unbelievably refreshing showing in The Wrestler. So without further delay, here are the Predictions for each category. With a slight delay for each nominee's breakdown and analysis.


Best Picture


Frost/Nixon : When I saw the trailer for this film before Burn After Reading, I actually made a joke about how bad it was going to be. Turns out, its one of my personal favorites for this year. Ron Howard has finally stepped away (however briefly) from making big, awful movies and has crafted one of the more powerhouse films that have no big special effects or budgets of this year. The tension that can be felt throughout the entire film is so thick it could be used to style hair. On top of that, the documentary-style "in the present" breaks in the story move the film along with a very intelligent pace. I think this film will stand the test of time as not just another political thriller or anti-Nixon piece, but rather, a film that creates vast amounts of suspense and tension, even though we already know whats going to happen.


The Curious Case of Benjamin Button : Overall, this is a great film. The story telling is unique in its presentation, starting with the strange backwards moving clock tower intro going all the way into the Hurricane Katrina death bed sequences with Kate Blanchet. The love story is a wee bit off, as I'm not really sure that the chemistry between the two leads is there. Not like The Wrestler or Slumdog Millionaire. But what really kills this movie is Brad Pitt. Plus the fact it is a bit too much like Forest Gump. Sorry, no win.


The Reader : This film, I'm not sure what it's doing in this category. The Dark Knight should be in this slot. While the individual performances where bar none some of the best of the year, the movie itself is not. I'm not a fan. Sorry.

Milk : Runner up for Best Picture. Gus Van Sandt is one of the kings of hit or miss films (GERRY, anyone??) but he really nails it home here. It is obvious that Van Sandt is passionate about the project. The film beams with enthusiasm, amazing cinematography and direction as well as great performances from all of the actors. Even as a straight man, I felt the struggle of the gay community and their need for rights. I was in support of them. I was in support of Harvey Milk. Gay rights are just RIGHTS. That is something this film is trying to convey. I think it succeeded.

Slumdog Millionaire : Sometimes it is a bad thing to adhere to Hollywood conventions, like with Gran Torino which received no Oscar nominations. Other times, following a familiar structure works tremendously. Slumdog Millionaire is the latter. Even though it has an R rating due to language, this is truly a feel good movie for everyone to enjoy. A twist on the "True Love" story that Director Danny Boyle has crafted with true artistry. From the opening torture scenes to the closing Bollywood dance sequence, this movie has you gripped to the edge of your seat. You root for the good guy and you loathe the bad guys. You really want the boy to get the girl and you REALLY want the man who stands in their way to get whats coming to him. This film wins best picture, hands down.




Best Director


I'm going to save you the write up's for each nominee and just say Danny Boyle's direction in Slumdog Millionaire wins, for sure. No question. None of the other films compare. Fincher could have got more out of Pitt, The Reader was flat, Frost/Nixon was good, but not better than Millionaire, and Milk won't win either. Danny Boyle. Winner.



Best Actor in a Lead Role:

Richard Jenkins - The Visitor : I rented this movie because I was a huge fan of Tom McCarthy's The Station Agent. Then I heard Richard Jenkins was the lead. Being a fan of him from Six Feet Under, I decided it seemed like a great combination. What I can say about his performance is this: I am glad that he got the nomination, because if he hadn't he would have been robbed of the recognition this deserves. Out of all of the nom's in this category, this performance was the most believable on a human level. The character changes, but not that much. Just like a real person. We can change, but do we ever change in the way Hollywood makes it seem? Not really. But, he will not win.


Frank Langella - Frost/Nixon : Here we have a powerhouse Ham performance. Langella is an amazing actor who is reviving his role as Richard Nixon from the famous play and putting him on the big screen. While this character is chock full of great moments and quotable lines, it's just too stagey. It reminds me of Sean Penn in All the Kings Men. Too Blow-Hard. He will not win.


Brad Pitt - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: I'm sorry but, no matter how much CGI or plaster you put on the man, no matter what director you put him with, BRAD PITT CAN NOT ACT. The poor bastard is getting this nomination because the film itself is so good, people are assuming it must have something to do with his performance. It doesn't. Thank David Fincher and move on. He will not win.


Sean Penn - Milk : This is my runner up for the win. Sean Penn gives a performance most actors strive for their entire careers. The man is the most consistently under-rated performer of his acting generation. From Dead Man Walking, to 21 Grams, to Milk, the man puts out classic material. In Milk, he pulls no punches. The exuberant openly gay politician gets start treatment in Penn's portrayal. He seems to be ten feet tall at times of the film. If anyone is capable of beating out our next nominee, its this one. Which leads me to...

Mickey Rourke - The Wrestler : I know this nominee is winning all of the small award shows, I know people have been all over this film since day one. But that doesn't mean they're wrong, or I'm on a bandwagon. I remember hearing a radio piece on NPR for this film on the day of its release, IMMEDIATELY I went online, got a copy (OOOPS!) and watched it. I was expecting something more in the vein of a "true" Darren Aronofsky film, but what I got was a small, paced, tour de force performance from a man who could not have been better for the role. The character and the actor line up so perfectly, its astounding. Both men, HUGE in the 80's, forgotten in the 90's, and now, trying to get their lives back together in the 00's. Both men, ravaged by the surgeries and drugs they made their bodies endure. That is why whenever Rand the Ram speaks on screen, I believe it. When Ram pulls that tear when he is pleading with his daughter, I see Mickey Rourke's failures as a person in that tear. It is a perfect role, at a perfect time. I'm not sure there's too much of a chance anyone beats this one, but if they do...someone really dropped the ball.



Actor In A Supporting Role


Josh Brolin - Milk : Brolin's performance as Dan White is in my personal opinion, more of the same from Brolin. He's an actor that for some reason, just can't seem to stop making the same acting moves in all of his recent films, minus his uber-cornball roll in Planet Terror. His John Wayne stature from No Country For Old Men is stripped away and he is given a much more uppity character in White, but it just seems that Brolin can't overcome his lack of range. I need to see something better from Brolin before I can say this was worth the nomination.


Philip Seymour Hoffman - Doubt : This is one of two potential winners under Heath Ledger. Hoffman takes his ability to be both quiet and menacingly present on screen in this role and makes the character of Father Brendan Flynn a man you might actually believe. Out of all of the four, yes FOUR actor/actresses that were nominated for their performances in this film, his was the best. He was the only one that actually created DOUBT, the name of the film. The viewer isn't sure if he's being manipulative, if he's lying, or if he's truly defending his innocence. At the end of the day, he has about a 35% chance of winning.


Robert Downey Jr. - Tropic Thunder : Every once in a while, the Academy pulls a WTF?! move. This year, its Downey Jr. I loved this movie. I am on the level of nerd fanboy of R rated comedies, but what the HELL is he doing on this list? This has to be the weakest category to choose from this year, because I just don't see it. Yeah ok, he's a white man who plays an actor who makes himself black. And he does an amazing job. But I can't wrap my head around it. Might as well put Michael Caine up for Dark Knight or Terrance Howard for Iron Man, because those would be equally as confusing. They're good rolls, but are they worthy of an Academy Award Nomination? I don't think so.


Michael Shannon - Revolutionary Road : How this film didn't receive more nominations is beyond me, but this one, this is the real deal. If Heath Ledger hadn't of made this list, I'd say this is the sure fire winner and is still my favorite upset pick of the night. Shannon steals every single second of the film when he's on screen. His portrayal of a man who has reached his wit's end is absolutely electrifying. The man acts as a filter of truth throughout the film. Without him, the final confrontation between his character and Leonardo DiCaprio would have seemed too over the top, but his facial expressions, his delivery, even his body language, its all so perfect for the film. That's why I think he wins if the next nominee doesn't.

Heath Ledger - The Dark Knight : Every so often a character is given to an actor and the combination proves to be a thing of legend. Ben Kinglsey had Gandhi, Michael Madsen had Mr. Blonde, Javier Bordiem had Anton Sugar, and now Heath Ledger has the Joker. The best supporting actor should be the role that steals the most scenes with the least amount of effort, outside of the lead roles. Clearly, Ledger is the winner. He is terrifying, clever, funny, and down right fun when he's on screen. I would argue that he makes more of an impact on that film than Christian Bale and he's freakin BATMAN. The scenes they share are amazing, especially the Interrogation room scene where Ledger is tossed around like pizza dough. I'm not sure there's much room for failure here, Ledger has this category sealed.


Actress In a Leading Role


Anne Hatheway - Rachel Getting Married : While I think this is by far the single best "chick" movie I have ever watched, I'm not sure Hatheway will win. I know she's picked up a few smaller circuit awards for this performance so far, but the fact is that Angelina is crazier in Changeling and Kate Winslet is colder in the Reader. I hope she gets the upset win, but I just don't see it. Sorry.


Angelina Jolie - Changeling : To me, this performance is the only saving grace of another one of Clint Eastwood's cliche', conventional movies of late. The premise of the film is great, the film itself is not. However, put Angelina Jolie in the middle of things, and there are bound to be some sparks. The scenes in the mental hospital will be quoted in magazines and pop-culture references for years to come if she pulls out the win. If she doesn't this will turn out to be a forgotten performance in a overall forgettable film.


Mellisa Leo - Frozen River : Here's one from an early year release that I was pleased to see. One of the most nuanced nominations of the entire year, Leo shows the level of emotion one goes through when doing something illegal to survive. I honestly don't remember much about this movie, so I'm not going to act like I can make an assessment. Sorry.


Maryl Streep - Doubt : CAN WE STOP WITH HER ALREADY?? It's too much. She's the female equivalent of Clint Eastwood. She's always around come oscar season. I appreciate that, but this performance, not even in her top five. I felt that Doubt received too many acting nominations and this one is the worst. If Streep wins, I'll shave my head.


Kate Winslet - The Reader : Winslet has created a character in Hannah that took a long time for me to stop thinking about. Many critics have called her performance "emotionally distant". But that is what was required of her for this role. She played a Nazi who was in hiding, don't you think one would have to be pretty inconspicuous and emotionally distant from people to maintain a low profile? The scenes in the courtroom are great and the segment of the film where she shares multiple nude scenes with her male counterpart are unforgettable. Not because of the nudity, but the acting that goes on during the nudity. Some of the scenes where she is being read to, other actresses would have just sat there. Winslet made it seem the events of the books were actually happening to her. This should be the clear cut winner, even if she did make some stupid gaffe about Angelina Jolie at the SAG awards.



Actress in a Supporting Role


Amy Adams - Doubt : My second favorite pick to win. Out of the 3 female nominations for this film, hers is the only one I found to be warranted. The amount of emotional conflict that can be seen on her face is pretty amazing. Especially considering that this actress was just two years ago in Talledega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. She is the moral glue that stands between Streep and Hoffman and tries so hard to keep things on an even keel, even when things are NOT that way.


Penelope Cruz - Vicky Cristina Barcelona : Didn't see it. Sorry.


Viola Davis - Doubt : She was on screen for all but six minutes. Sorry. No chance.


Teraji P. Henson - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button : From lesbian assassin in Smokin Aces to full blown character actress in Benji Button (we're tight like that. I call him Benji) This could be the winner if Marisa Tomei's breasts don't win.

Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler : I'm not sure when it started, I think it was Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, but it seems like Marisa Tomei really enjoys being nude on screen. I think her and Kate Winslet should get in a "Always naked on screen" fight with special referee Angelina Jolie. But all joking aside, this is the best supporting role for actresses this year. Her sympathy for Randy in the Wrestler is palpable. Their chemistry is so natural, so believable, I want her to win more than I think she should. So, she is my pick. Her and those breasts.


Here are the remainder of my Picks for the less popular categories

Art Direction: Benjamin Button

Cinematography : Slumdog Millionare or the Dark Knight

Costume Design : The Duchess (always go with the period piece)

Editing : The Dark Knight

Foreign Language Film : The Baader Meinhof Complex

Make-Up : Benjamin Button

Music Score - Slumdog Millionaire

Music Song - Slumdog Millionaire

Sound Editing - The Dark Knight

Sound Mixing - The Dark Knight

Visual Effects - The Dark Knight

Writing (adapted screenplay) - Slumdog Millionaire

Writing Original Screenplay - In Bruges

Opening Line

There's a rule somewhere that says if you don't know how to start something in your own words, use a quote. So, this one is a favorite of mine.

"We would be a lot safer if the Government would take its money out of science and put it into astrology and the reading of palms. Only in superstition is there hope. If you want to become a friend of civilization, then become an enemy of the truth and a fanatic for harmless balderdash." - Kurt Vonnegut