NEED A JOB!? TRY BEING A PIRATE!!

The economy got you strapped for cash? Did you lose your job? Are you struggling to pay your rent month to month? Are you staring at an empty fridge? Well look no further, friend, because today is your lucky day! In recent weeks the Sea Born Pirating Industry has suffered several employee deaths, creating a great opportunity for you to bounce back into stride! Last year there were over 293 reported sea born pirating incidents and with your help, we can try for a real increase in numbers! It's something to be proud of. Something you can look back on and say "Yes, I did my best. This year, more than 889 people were taken hostage. I know in my heart that I had at least a seven percent contribution, sometimes even using a gun!"

In addition to your efforts, travel will come as a nice incentive. See exotic places like The Horn of Africa, mostly the waters around the Sudan and Kenya. After you shake that case of Mega-AIDS, head out to the waters of Nigeria. A wonder-place to plunder an oil tanker or a Cruise Ship. Only one in seven people have Ultra-Ebola in the wonderful 42 man crew of other pirates that will be on your ship, so chances of disease are minimal to likely. Highlighting the entire voyage is the clear blue seas of Indonesia. Once you hit the main land, bet your plunders on anything your mind can fathom! Gambling is the national sport of most Pacific Island nations. Local favorites include: man vs. a chainsaw-wielding bear and midgets vs. a lion. What an adventure!

So check it out, head on down to your Pirate Union local 101 or 27, fill out a Union Pledge Form, speak to the recruiter and sign up today. He'll be the guy holding a knife to a child's throat, dealing with the demands of his / her family via Skype. The Union is co-opting two positions into one. So you may have competition. Either way, the seasonal wages are more than you could ever imagine. Just be sure to have all of your verbal hostage commands ready to present during the oral examination. Languages required are English, Swahili, Mandarin, Tagalog (Filipino), Spanish, Vietnamese, and all of the languages spoken in the Western Rim.