Horrible Songs Turned Horrible Commercials

The first is an oldie, but a goodie. It's a classic take on the timeless song "Unbelievable" from prolific and under-rated sonic Architects, EMF. What product would fit best for such an upbeat song about a girl worthy of a song? CHEESE CRUMBLES, OF COURSE! Because "Crumbelievable" sounds just like "Unbelievable". There isn't a clash of sound there at all. Not one bit. Also, when the phrase, "Crumbelievable" hits your ear-drums, it doesn't make you want to laugh in Kraft's Marketing department, at all. Not one bit. My favorite part though, is the added rip-off of Michael Buffer's voice that says, "LET'S GET READY TO CRUMBLE!". With what? With laughter at this commercial? Ok, enough talk. BATHE IN IT'S GLORY:



The best is for last: Gloria Estefan blessed the World with "Turn the Beat Around" and as far as I was concerned, Skating Rinks across the World were set for life. No improvements could be made or even needed to be made. That is until I came across what could be the greatest Commercial Rip-Off of any song in the history of the Universe: Turn the Tub Around. It has its own Official Music Video and I am bringing it to you now, in its entirety. Notice how creepy everything about this advertisement is, from the creepy store worker who instantly turned into a gay dancer / Justin Beiber impersonator, to the horrible piston-like dancing the woman does, herself once she is convinced of the fake butter's powers. The chorus to this "song" is so bad I am almost positive they use it as a torture song at Guantanamo Bay. So, without further ado, prepare to either laugh your ass off or run in horror.

Rare Journalism for real Marijuana Activists

This is an article in Sunday's Washington Post Magazine called "Boutique Buds: What underground mom-and-pop growers did while we debated legalization". It breaks down the much theorized THC grading scale, making the comparisons to wineries that much more of a reality. It discusses several "home growers" who have made great strides in not only the science of growing of marijuana, they have also paved the way in establishing a new and fascinating concept: Weed can act as not only a spirit to be consumed for enjoyment, but also a medicine for very specific problems, depending on the strain. Mainly though, it points out that without any kind of governing body to help organize or distribute their product, other than themselves, independent growers silently became pioneers of American Marijuana.

This is all common knowledge to anyone who doesn't use the term, "druggie" when describing someone who smokes weed. But, to most of the Palin, Tea-Party, Toby Keith crowd, Marijuana is still something used to get Black Men to rape their precious White Women. As far as most conservatives know, they still see Dyed-shirt, Hacky-Sacky, Tofu-searing, liberal, hippie, freaks when they hear the words, "Pot", "Weed", "Marijuana" or whatever other word one would use to describe one of nature's most amazing gifts.

If you find yourself reading this article and you discover that you're in the second category, the willfully ignorant, I suggest you head on over to this link and eat yourself some more truth and digest the reality of the situation. (That's a joke for anyone who gets the reference to the fact that in a recent study, eating Marijuana was proven to help cure Chron's Disease)

(Image featured above taken from WashingtonPost.com's article : "Boutique Buds"

Decatur Dope - Baka

If you don't know the name of Atlanta Producer, Baka by now, I am not disappointed in you. Not yet, at least. If you don't know that he has an instrumental LP called Decatur Dope, I'm not disappointed in you about that yet, either. But if you turn away from this website and forget either of those two things, I fear for your humanity.


Baka, life-long Son of the City of Atlanta, more specifically the town of Decatur, is making a lot of heads turn these days. Between producing 90 percent of The Nice Guise self-titled LP, doing tracks for MC's Dillon Mauer, DT of Clan Destined, and other Atlanta-based artists; mending a project with MC Catalyst of the Nice Guise and myself (takes bow), and working out another solo project, the man stays productive. Did I mention he also does an event by that exact phrase? Stay Productive at The 529 in the East Atlanta Village. Check that out as well.


Earlier this year, Baka released an LP entitled, "Decatur Dope". After a solid release locally, the album received praise from many of Atlanta's top Independent Artists. After that though, as some things do, word didn't spread as far as many had hoped.



This is where I come in. I am posting all media available via YouTube and Bandcamp that is currently available to you, the American Public at Large or rather, the handful of insomniacs and dragon chasers who actually read this blog. For starters, here: www.baka.bandcamp.com



When viewing the Bandcamp.com site, you'll notice that the LP isn't free. Listen to Gold Chain Suicide, A.I.D.S., Dope Money, or ANY of the other beats on that Bobby-Brown's-Criminal-Record-In-Length like play-list and tell em it's not worth at LEAST 10.00 bucks. 7 at the very least.


I'm not going to write a review of this album because I truly feel like you most likely have no idea who Baka is and I want you to trust me on this: Buy this album, sight unseen and sound unheard and get squinted with, someone I personally promise to you, will quickly become one of your favorite producers.

Last but not least, if you like what you hear, SPREAD THE WORD! Help Baka get the word out to people who can help this man get to where he truly deserves to be: Lying on a Kushopedic Mattress in a house filled with vinyl and women that he hires as furniture. Butt-Ass naked women.

So take this last snippet of a neck-breaking, speaker-fucking, sonic orgasm, head over to the bandcamp site, and help support a truly talented artist that deserves more than a nod and a handshake.




Last but not least, download the JPEG of the album cover at the top of this post and wheat paste it everywhere. Or just use it as your desktop background. Either way, put it to use and spread the word. Word

this drummer is at the wrong gig

The closest thing to dog food anyone could eat.

Grey Clothing is Coming Soon

Thats the logo for a line of clothing and various other products my Homie No2Pencil is about to bring to the world. He's working to revive the economy and still have some money left over to lay on a table and stare at.

This prototype of the logo sticker is resting above the Honda Logo on his car that goes back in time and also competes in To-the-Death Car Death Matches. It's much akin to the Twisted Metal Franchise on Playstation. But more realistic, like Death Race. The important thing is that Carlos (that's the designs name) now has a home on a car and will be available to you, by way of sticker and T-Shirt form, very soon. Here's a shot of the T-Shirt on the above these words and a shot of the sticker underneath of them. Check out the website. It's under construction, currently, but soon enough it will be ready to bathe you in 1's and 0's so fresh you'll swear they're organic. www.GREYclothing.com

All for a few extra bucks.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/29/us/29spill.html

Vicious, deceitful, and hateful political campaign advertisements during the World Series : The American Dream

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Eddie Pepitone shreds a Heckler to ribbons

now this is how you handle a heckler with true finesse. not just finesse, but almost a hypnotic charm.

Little Known Fact #1

Long before Yao Ming was the name of a famous Basketball player, it was a common greeting amongst Southern Rappers.

White People's Favorite Song

No question, hands down, this is white people's favorite song.

My hotel went all out

Iverson = No Jive Turkey

Allen Iverson to play Basketball in Turkey. As part of his contract, the words, Aint No Jive will be added to the start of the Country's name.

How Cain Velesquez Did the Impossible

When Brock Lesnar and his training coaches decided to move forward with accepting a fight with Cain Velasquez; only months after just barely beating Shane Carwin, it seemed as though no one thought that to be an issue. Immediately, people within the MMA community and fans alike, on auto-pilot, decided that Lesnar once again had it in the bag. Especially since Carwin actually was Lesnar's size and Velasquez is easily 35 pounds lighter than Brock, on a good day. With a new beard and an ever-evolving MMA arsenal, Brock truly did, in my mind have this fight in the bag, based on how he had defeated his previous opponents.

That is until the fight actually started. Even though Brock started well, landing strikes and surprising everyone with a few flying knees and a few of the regular persuasion, he never landed anything of real merit. Here's the thing, too, the entire time the Heavyweight Champ was initiating his defensive campaign, Cain Velasquez was faster, he was cautious in his proximity to the lunch pail sized hands of Lesnar, and he was landing his strikes with more accuracy, winning each striking exchange.

Withing 90 seconds, Lesnar went for his first take down, in which he was successful, but only for a few moments. Cain instantly became the first opponent of Brock's who didn't end up laying on his back, eating elbows and hammer fists. Instead, he forced Brock to stand and throw desperate punches that Cain capitalized on, tagging the Champ a few times for good measure. Mere moments later, Lesnar got another take down that Velasquez was able to recover from, once again forcing Brock to stand and trade, losing each time. This proved to be a key element in Lesnar's undoing.

Here's where I knew the fight would end up as an upset: Velasquez takes LESNAR down. The smaller man took down the All-American Pure-Bread Wrestler. From there, the Champion rolled onto his knees. Strikes were rained down on Brock's head and face that obviously shook him, because the second he got up he did what looked like a running, tumbling dance across the entire Octagon and ended up propping himself up against the cage, just to keep balance.

After that, the challenger smelled blood and went for the kill. He landed a huge knee that put Brock down again and landed more devastating shots from the top position on the ground. To his credit, Brock fought his way back to his feet, once again, however brief it may have been. His faced bathed in his own blood, battered, and disoriented, Lesnar again allowed Cain Velasquez to take him down, curl him up and beat him in the body and face until the referee had to do what no one thought would happen, he called the fight, TKO victory for Cain Velasquez.

Looking back at the fight, I can't think of a single thing that Velasquez did wrong in his approach to finally cracking the code of how to beat Brock Lesnar, outright. He moved around Lesnar quicker than a Shane Carwin or even a Frank Mir could. He was able to get back on his feet when Lesnar got his take downs, making his take down defense look like an unfair glitch in the UFC video game. On top of all of that, his strikes all landed with purpose and with bad intentions. They were accurate and they were punishing. Lesnar simply could not absorb the amount of damage he had to endure. Velasquez has cracked the code the same way Fedor cracked the code on how to beat Mirko Cro Cop. (Or for real MMA nerds, how Marco Ruas finally defeated The Polar Bear Paul Varlens)

Instead of Cro Cop, where if you move forward on him and force him to initiate in close quarters, you beat Lesnar with a mix of cardio, speed, power, and quick take-down recovery time. To paraphrase what Joe Rogan once said on his podcast, there are two schools of thought on what makes a dominant heavyweight: either a huge, 265-275 pound wrestler who can pound out victories that in real life walk around at closer to 300 plus pounds. Or, fighters who are closer to 235-245 at weigh ins, closer to 255-265 on fight night, who are faster and more agile. Saturday night proved that the latter can beat the former.

It will be interesting to see how the division sorts itself out, from here on out. With Junior Dos Santos set to fight Velasquez, my guess, on Super Bowl Saturday this coming February, the logical thing do with Brock would be to have him sign a re-match with Shane Carwin. Whether or not that would determine the number one contender spot for the title would be up to the UFC, but I can't think of too many other UFC heavyweights who are going to get a shot at the Gold anytime soon. Personally, I think Brock should go back and face at the very least, three opponents before getting a shot at the title again. I'd love to see him fight Todd Duffee or Cheik Kongo.

Either way, whether the UFC gives him an instant title re-match or if they make him climb his way back up, one thing is for sure: Gods can bleed and they can also be beaten. You just need the right game plan.

OH THE SCREAMING MAKES ME HORNY!!!

i feel like everyone involved in this should have been slimed at the end like they ended up in some Bizzaro version of You Can't Say That on Television

Potential Twitter Interview with Kyle Cease (? !)

Fans of comedy should by now know the name Kyle Cease. He's had his fair share of Comedy Central love: A Special, another Special, Top Rated Comedian in whatever Comedian list they invented a few years back, etc. etc. He's released a comedy CD: One Dimple and a DVD: Weirder. Blacker. Dimpler. Needless to say, even though I just kinda did, the man has established himself as a time-tested comedian.

As of recent, Kyle, along with Louie Anderson decided to start a company called Stand-up Comedy Boot Camp. It is a program that anyone can sign up for, but obviously, it is implicit in the name that the course would benefit Comedians in particular. It is a program that can run anywhere from 2 to 5 days, depending on what each participant chooses, ending in a graduation ceremony.

Now, here is where this idea and reality have found conflict: After the Comedy Boot Camp website launched, the first promo video they used to attract clientele was, to be kind, over-the-top serious. It was filled with innuendo and suggestions that the class could offer someone personal break-throughs that could change their lives and not so much about how it could make you a better comedian. Once the rest of the comedy community found out about the camp, the site, and then in turn the video, parodies instantly hit the Internet. (Check out Duncan Trussell and Natasha Leggero's parody on their podcast the Lavender Hour). That video was then taken down and a new video was put in its place.

The second video was less over-the-top serious in the same way that Terminator 3 : Rise of the Machines was less violent than T2: Terminator 2. Ever so slightly were the over all tones changed and there were new snippets of footage from the course itself that featured comedians giving students advice. BUT, it also featured a line that asked if the students and/or potential students viewing the video wanted to become million dollar head-liner comedians. All while, a very serious Nine Inch Nails song was playing underneath of the entire thing. Here is the parody video for that one:


Enter, Doug Stanhope. After these videos and promo ads began floating around, Outspoken Comedian and overall speaker of his mind, Doug Stanhope wrote a blog post that EVISCERATED the merits of not only Stand-Up Comedy classes in general, but he took special time out to completely destroy Kyle's Stand Up Comedy Boot Camp. It was not pretty, nor was it anywhere near the word "nice". After that blog post hit, Kyle decided that he was going to speak out against his naysayers.

This is when Kyle goes on Jimmy Dore and Stephanie Zamorano's podcast, Comedy and Everything Else. 3 Kyle Cease interviews, 2 supplemental content episodes, and 1 counter-point interview with guest Matt Besser later and to my mind and to many people's minds within the fandom of comedy, this issue is still not resolved. After that, what started floating around was the idea of a debate or a discussion between the two opposing sides: one being Kyle Cease and his positive viewpoint on the merits of the Boot Camp, and the other being a Comedian or respected figure who would argue against it.

Here's where I come in. Many of the comedians who have spoken out against the Boot Camp have done just that: they have spoken out against it or just plain attacked it or just simply taken a giant shit on it. Given that fact, Kyle does not want to debate other comedians as he feels he has nothing to explain to them. BUT, after a few Twitter exchanges between Kyle and I, I am getting the feeling that he is willing to do a Twitter interview with me. I assume he feels more comfortable doing this with someone like myself because I am at best, a shitty open mic-er and basically just a fan of good comedy.

I would very much like this to happen and the entire interview would take place on Twitter and would also be transcribed and posted here for all you non-twitterers out there. If you would like this to happen, please show your support by contacting Kyle on Twitter @kylecease and let him know that I'm a fair dude and he should totally like, you know, fucking do that shit.

IT'S ALIIIIIIIVE!!

As you, my avid reader(s) can see, this blog has been dead for many a moon. Multiple Solstices have passed and many a leaf has turned colors, fallen, and rejoined the Earth, once again via the process of composting.

But nevermore! To quote the great Shaggy 2 Dope, I'm Back Like Scoliosis, Mother-Fucker.