How Cain Velesquez Did the Impossible

When Brock Lesnar and his training coaches decided to move forward with accepting a fight with Cain Velasquez; only months after just barely beating Shane Carwin, it seemed as though no one thought that to be an issue. Immediately, people within the MMA community and fans alike, on auto-pilot, decided that Lesnar once again had it in the bag. Especially since Carwin actually was Lesnar's size and Velasquez is easily 35 pounds lighter than Brock, on a good day. With a new beard and an ever-evolving MMA arsenal, Brock truly did, in my mind have this fight in the bag, based on how he had defeated his previous opponents.

That is until the fight actually started. Even though Brock started well, landing strikes and surprising everyone with a few flying knees and a few of the regular persuasion, he never landed anything of real merit. Here's the thing, too, the entire time the Heavyweight Champ was initiating his defensive campaign, Cain Velasquez was faster, he was cautious in his proximity to the lunch pail sized hands of Lesnar, and he was landing his strikes with more accuracy, winning each striking exchange.

Withing 90 seconds, Lesnar went for his first take down, in which he was successful, but only for a few moments. Cain instantly became the first opponent of Brock's who didn't end up laying on his back, eating elbows and hammer fists. Instead, he forced Brock to stand and throw desperate punches that Cain capitalized on, tagging the Champ a few times for good measure. Mere moments later, Lesnar got another take down that Velasquez was able to recover from, once again forcing Brock to stand and trade, losing each time. This proved to be a key element in Lesnar's undoing.

Here's where I knew the fight would end up as an upset: Velasquez takes LESNAR down. The smaller man took down the All-American Pure-Bread Wrestler. From there, the Champion rolled onto his knees. Strikes were rained down on Brock's head and face that obviously shook him, because the second he got up he did what looked like a running, tumbling dance across the entire Octagon and ended up propping himself up against the cage, just to keep balance.

After that, the challenger smelled blood and went for the kill. He landed a huge knee that put Brock down again and landed more devastating shots from the top position on the ground. To his credit, Brock fought his way back to his feet, once again, however brief it may have been. His faced bathed in his own blood, battered, and disoriented, Lesnar again allowed Cain Velasquez to take him down, curl him up and beat him in the body and face until the referee had to do what no one thought would happen, he called the fight, TKO victory for Cain Velasquez.

Looking back at the fight, I can't think of a single thing that Velasquez did wrong in his approach to finally cracking the code of how to beat Brock Lesnar, outright. He moved around Lesnar quicker than a Shane Carwin or even a Frank Mir could. He was able to get back on his feet when Lesnar got his take downs, making his take down defense look like an unfair glitch in the UFC video game. On top of all of that, his strikes all landed with purpose and with bad intentions. They were accurate and they were punishing. Lesnar simply could not absorb the amount of damage he had to endure. Velasquez has cracked the code the same way Fedor cracked the code on how to beat Mirko Cro Cop. (Or for real MMA nerds, how Marco Ruas finally defeated The Polar Bear Paul Varlens)

Instead of Cro Cop, where if you move forward on him and force him to initiate in close quarters, you beat Lesnar with a mix of cardio, speed, power, and quick take-down recovery time. To paraphrase what Joe Rogan once said on his podcast, there are two schools of thought on what makes a dominant heavyweight: either a huge, 265-275 pound wrestler who can pound out victories that in real life walk around at closer to 300 plus pounds. Or, fighters who are closer to 235-245 at weigh ins, closer to 255-265 on fight night, who are faster and more agile. Saturday night proved that the latter can beat the former.

It will be interesting to see how the division sorts itself out, from here on out. With Junior Dos Santos set to fight Velasquez, my guess, on Super Bowl Saturday this coming February, the logical thing do with Brock would be to have him sign a re-match with Shane Carwin. Whether or not that would determine the number one contender spot for the title would be up to the UFC, but I can't think of too many other UFC heavyweights who are going to get a shot at the Gold anytime soon. Personally, I think Brock should go back and face at the very least, three opponents before getting a shot at the title again. I'd love to see him fight Todd Duffee or Cheik Kongo.

Either way, whether the UFC gives him an instant title re-match or if they make him climb his way back up, one thing is for sure: Gods can bleed and they can also be beaten. You just need the right game plan.

OH THE SCREAMING MAKES ME HORNY!!!

i feel like everyone involved in this should have been slimed at the end like they ended up in some Bizzaro version of You Can't Say That on Television

Potential Twitter Interview with Kyle Cease (? !)

Fans of comedy should by now know the name Kyle Cease. He's had his fair share of Comedy Central love: A Special, another Special, Top Rated Comedian in whatever Comedian list they invented a few years back, etc. etc. He's released a comedy CD: One Dimple and a DVD: Weirder. Blacker. Dimpler. Needless to say, even though I just kinda did, the man has established himself as a time-tested comedian.

As of recent, Kyle, along with Louie Anderson decided to start a company called Stand-up Comedy Boot Camp. It is a program that anyone can sign up for, but obviously, it is implicit in the name that the course would benefit Comedians in particular. It is a program that can run anywhere from 2 to 5 days, depending on what each participant chooses, ending in a graduation ceremony.

Now, here is where this idea and reality have found conflict: After the Comedy Boot Camp website launched, the first promo video they used to attract clientele was, to be kind, over-the-top serious. It was filled with innuendo and suggestions that the class could offer someone personal break-throughs that could change their lives and not so much about how it could make you a better comedian. Once the rest of the comedy community found out about the camp, the site, and then in turn the video, parodies instantly hit the Internet. (Check out Duncan Trussell and Natasha Leggero's parody on their podcast the Lavender Hour). That video was then taken down and a new video was put in its place.

The second video was less over-the-top serious in the same way that Terminator 3 : Rise of the Machines was less violent than T2: Terminator 2. Ever so slightly were the over all tones changed and there were new snippets of footage from the course itself that featured comedians giving students advice. BUT, it also featured a line that asked if the students and/or potential students viewing the video wanted to become million dollar head-liner comedians. All while, a very serious Nine Inch Nails song was playing underneath of the entire thing. Here is the parody video for that one:


Enter, Doug Stanhope. After these videos and promo ads began floating around, Outspoken Comedian and overall speaker of his mind, Doug Stanhope wrote a blog post that EVISCERATED the merits of not only Stand-Up Comedy classes in general, but he took special time out to completely destroy Kyle's Stand Up Comedy Boot Camp. It was not pretty, nor was it anywhere near the word "nice". After that blog post hit, Kyle decided that he was going to speak out against his naysayers.

This is when Kyle goes on Jimmy Dore and Stephanie Zamorano's podcast, Comedy and Everything Else. 3 Kyle Cease interviews, 2 supplemental content episodes, and 1 counter-point interview with guest Matt Besser later and to my mind and to many people's minds within the fandom of comedy, this issue is still not resolved. After that, what started floating around was the idea of a debate or a discussion between the two opposing sides: one being Kyle Cease and his positive viewpoint on the merits of the Boot Camp, and the other being a Comedian or respected figure who would argue against it.

Here's where I come in. Many of the comedians who have spoken out against the Boot Camp have done just that: they have spoken out against it or just plain attacked it or just simply taken a giant shit on it. Given that fact, Kyle does not want to debate other comedians as he feels he has nothing to explain to them. BUT, after a few Twitter exchanges between Kyle and I, I am getting the feeling that he is willing to do a Twitter interview with me. I assume he feels more comfortable doing this with someone like myself because I am at best, a shitty open mic-er and basically just a fan of good comedy.

I would very much like this to happen and the entire interview would take place on Twitter and would also be transcribed and posted here for all you non-twitterers out there. If you would like this to happen, please show your support by contacting Kyle on Twitter @kylecease and let him know that I'm a fair dude and he should totally like, you know, fucking do that shit.

IT'S ALIIIIIIIVE!!

As you, my avid reader(s) can see, this blog has been dead for many a moon. Multiple Solstices have passed and many a leaf has turned colors, fallen, and rejoined the Earth, once again via the process of composting.

But nevermore! To quote the great Shaggy 2 Dope, I'm Back Like Scoliosis, Mother-Fucker.